2 am, dark skies, hot nights, aging stars...yes, your clear for take off

i can't sleep and i refuse to think/ longer than my head can rest upon my pillow/ filled to my body's brim with uncertainties/ my joys/ my pains/ my troubles/ continue to rise/ above even the realm of my understandings/ i am lost/ lost within my heart/ i'm in too deep/ for the sake of my mind/ i do not know if i can stop/ the ever present raising of my heart beat/ i am pulled back and forth/ in life's tug of war/ until my rope eventually falls short/ and my feet slip/ from below me/ and leave me plunging head first into the earth/ to choke upon the water filled ground/ i am left to wonder why/ why can't happiness stay dry/ allowing the moment to linger through the air/ and choke the world's pain/ as the heat overcomes my air on a hot, humid day/ but what am i to do?/ do i take my chance/ or do i say sorry/ do i stay to become your good enough/ or can i be your only/ that won't allow your blood to flow/ everything you feel is mines/ and every breathe you take is of me/ only/ can i be the one you dream of/ the one you never have to wonder/ the one that you would want to be with/ no matter what/ because you longed it/ or do i stay and force this change/ to contain my soul from pouring out/ from puffy/ red/ and salt kissed eyes/ so that my heart won't live without/ my fears are that i change exactly/ to what you want me to be/ and at that moment that i alter/ you'll say she's not the one for me